1. Transitioning-This is such an ambiguous term. It could mean you just left your job and are embarking on a new career path. Or it could mean you’ve decided to find yourself. It probably means you were recently laid off and need a new job, but transitioning sounds so much better.
2. Freelancer-This gives the impression that you’re legitimately working diligently to balance all the needs of your multiple clients. But the truth is probably that you’ve just got a business card, a college degree and know a few people who pay you to do things for them every once in awhile. You’re a slut when it comes to the business world, you’ll work for anyone, anytime and anywhere.
3. Consultant-Anyone can be a consultant. Need to name your first-born? Well you can hire a Baby Naming Consultant. Want to organize your closet? Well there’s a Closet Consultant waiting to work for you! That could be you! And it has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? It’s perfect to tell people at cocktail parties!
4. Self-Employed-This makes it sound as though you’re a cutting-edge self-starting entrepreneur. There’s a good chance you just have a savings account, a business card, a skill-set and possibly some unemployed friends willing to join in on the fun! This is great to use on first dates!
5. Funemployed-Ok, so this isn’t really a fancy word for unemployed, however it gives people the impression that you’re making the most of your jobless status and are enjoying life and all your free time! Don’t be surprised if people roll their eyes at you, they’re just jealous.
6. Job Seeker-This is great to use at networking events where you’re bound to find someone that can help you on the job search. It makes you sound proactive, motivated and hard-working!
7. Underemployed-Great to use if you’re a recent college grad working 15 hours a week at Starbucks/CVS/The Gap/ Restaurant of your choice/etc. You’re qualified to do so much more with your life but the economy’s got you down. It’s a fabulous way to shift the blame from you to your employers/future employers.
8. Social Media Marketing Guru/Blogger-Only use this one if you know twitter, Facebook, Instagram, tumblr, WordPress and all other social media platforms VERY well, like if you’re life depended on it well. You must spend a total of at least 3 hours a day on these sites. This is a great term to use instead of unemployed for twenty-somethings who spend every possible moment on social media. It could even get you some freelance gigs!
I use this one all the time and people think I’m super interesting when I’m just a twenty-something with angst and a WordPress account!
9. Artist/Actor/Musician-If you’re a creative nobody really expects you to always be gainfully employed. It’s such a rarity in the arts to always have a paying gig. And people really admire the starving artist type so milk this one! Great to use at poetry slams, open mic nights and gallery openings!
10. Promoter/DJ-If I had a dime for every time a guy came up to me at a party claiming to be a promoter or DJ I wouldn’t need a job. They’re everywhere and nine times out of ten these guys are underemployed. And yet it still sounds kind of sexy, right? With the advent of the internet pretty much anyone can be a DJ and promoting that’s not really a difficult field to get into if you can even call it a field. But promoters are awesome because they can get you into parties, clubs and other free stuff. And DJ’s are the life of the party. Everybody will want to be your friend when you tell them you’re a promoter and/or a DJ!
Have any to add to the list? Post them in the comment section!